Lessons from Tisha B'Av

As I sat and listened to the reading of Eicha (Lamentations) this Tisha B'Av, I realized a couple of disturbing things.  This, of course, opened up a lengthy philosophical conversation between my husband and myself as to the deeper meaning of the destruction of Yerushalayim and the overall concept of anti-Semitism within an historical context.  Here is what I was thinking: 

1. If the non-Jews all, to a person, forgot tomorrow that the Holocaust had happened, it would not necessarily impact the ultimate lesson of that period in our history as the reminder is for US, the Jews, and -
2. Therefore, all occurrences of anti-Semitism would also exist in this line of thinking to remind us of why we are still not living in the "ideal" situation with the Mashiach here and us living in security.

I know (and gratefully acknowledge) that there are many, many non-Jews who have helped to save Jewish lives during our times of peril.  However, you cannot get around the basic idea of why we observe Tisha B'Av.  So why do we?  Why is there no Beis HaMikdash anymore?  It wasn't because of five people or a small number of problems.  Jewish history teaches us that the political and religious issues/schisms which were extant then were significant and that Jews were active in causing the deaths of other Jews.  Sadly, this same divisiveness has existed throughout our entire history as a nation and is listed as the main  reason for the destruction of the Second Temple.  And if you look further, why do we observe a time of mourning during Sefiras HaOmer?  Same basic reason - lack of respect for others and their potential as self-transcendental beings. 

As humans, we were given a gift of bechira chofshis/free choice or free will.   It is truly a gift, but can appear as a double edged sword.  One the one hand, having the ability to choose right over wrong leads to our receiving reward for our efforts and actions.  On the other hand, it also opens up a very large portal for those who may choose wrong over right.  We are supposed to consider our every action in terms of right and wrong - Is this how I can improve?  Is this correct and in line with Torah and the Creator's will?  As Jews, we have so very many implications for each of our actions.  We have to do what is right and others (Jews and non-Jews alike) can and are influenced by what we do and how we do it.  Making a Kiddush Hashem (honoring the holiness of the Creator and His Name) is of paramount importance but does everyone necessarily keep that thought in the forefront of their minds?  Every person can improve themselves and try to respect their fellow.  Now how do we help others to do the same?  There can be only one answer:  When we, individually, do right then others are, in fact, influenced by us. 

It is hard, so hard to not lose the main point in the avalanche of details of d'Rabannans (Rabbi enacted rules), gedarim (boundaries enacted to protect people from accidentally breaking a Torah law), and chumrahs (stringencies).   What is absolutely necessary and what is not.  What is expected due to societal pressures and what is required due to our obligations.  Oftentimes, in all of this, it is easy to forget our responsibilities to ourselves and others.  So when we get to the Three Weeks and everyone starts talking about respect and our interpersonal behavior (followed up, of course, by Elul into Rosh HaShana), one has to be careful and discerning in what they may take upon themselves.  It is nice to be able to commit to reading a portion of the Chofetz Chayim daily, but will the extra demand on your time actually cause you to internalize the lessons he was trying to impart?

Back to my original point.   If we are still in galus, still in an unsettled, insecure situation regardless of where in the world we live, then we certainly have to ask ourselves, why?  Eicha is describing the horrible destruction perpetrated upon us - but what is the navi's conclusion?  That, as terrible as the pain was, we were actually being punished by G-d for doing wrong.  But no matter how much we have taken on ourselves "above and beyond", we are STILL in galus.  Therefore, we, as a whole people, are continuing to do something wrong and it must be the same basic wrong for which we were exiled in the first place.  Which brings us back to respect (not Aretha Franklin) and our dealings with other Jews - or our lack therein.  So as I was thinking on Tisha B'Av, the true message of anti-Semitism is for us, the Jews, to realize our lack of security and to rekindle our desire to follow what we are required to do which, ultimately, will bring us back to where we really want to be - Israel and the days of the Mashiach.

L'shana Haba B'Yerushalayim Hab'nuya!

Plugged in - Yet another addiction

An issue has been increasingly bothering me, so I finally decided to put pen to paper (so to speak).  I have frequently seen - as I am sure that most people have seen - smart phones, text talk or other manifestations of "progress" in common usage.  There is a saying, "Marbeh nechasim, marbeh da'agos", which means, the more possessions, the more worries.  Do not mistake me for a Luddite -  I am not.  I am, however, a proponent of using one's mind.  There is a movie out that apparently deals with the idea of the whole world losing its electricity.  Is that really such a bad thing?  Did Edison really do us such a favor?  Let's think about this further.

Families who homeschool are trying to avoid the plethora of distractions that are present in "normal" schools.  We are attempting to give our children a more familiar setting, in the hope that they will excel.  We want to slow things down, take it piece by piece, not rapidly force-feed information to a group of people of differing abilities and understanding. 

Unfortunately, this is not our societal approach.  I will not ignore what good has come, but I cannot overlook the "side effects" of our silicon and information age.   We are moving faster and faster, but at what cost?   Animals live their lives on constant alert, always looking around for the next threat, always moving, never settled.   They have no span of attention because of their need for survival.  With the rapidity of our current pace, we are emulating their lives.  We are always looking around, never settled, always looking for the next new thing or new information.  It is affecting our ability to think, to focus, to see what is around us and how to correctly react to stimuli.  To me, the smart phone is the quintessential symbol of instant accessibility and our desire for comfort.

Do you know what the opposite of pain is?  It is not pleasure.  It is, in fact, comfort.  If one is straits monetarily and is living hand-to-mouth or in danger of lacking anything necessary, that person will focus their energies upon resolving the situation, and being able to have what they need.  They learn to appreciate everything and waste nothing.  My husband's uncle said that the best praying he ever did was in a foxhole.  When we are focused on our survival and are afraid for our lives, we deal with many discomforts that would otherwise be considered unacceptable.  Once a person has established themselves financially and has more than what they need, they tend to change the definition of 'need' versus 'want'.  Food that is expensive may be in reach and other comfort items are now de rigueur. 

How did people live without dishwashers and washing machines/dryers?  How did they live without indoor plumbing?  How about televisions?  How about telephones?  I would humbly say that the only item that I would be loathe to give up would be my pressurised water supply - but that was around BEFORE electricity.  Why were most of the mind-boggling inventions before the advent of electricity?  Why is there an alert out to try to encourage children to take up science and math?  

We are, sadly, encouraging a generation of adults and children to become less than they can, to perform below their potential.  Can computers (and, yes, I am typing on one) help people in their pursuits?  Yes.  But they also encourage a tremendous amount of mental laziness that is anathema to our true progress as humans.  Human beings are supposed to self-transcendent - we are capable of doing better than we even think we can.  We should be able to stop and think and contemplate the world.  Therein lies our growth and our progress.  There are many inspiring, beautiful, wonderful experiences out there and they are not found on anyone's computer screen. 

New Wallpaper and Doing a Bit of Redecorating

I've been struggling with maintaining a reasonable level of learning throughout the summer, despite my best efforts.  Emails and posts from other homeschoolers have dropped very significantly (What?  Has everyone been sitting around the pool or been on vacation?)  and I'm thinking that we are all busy preparing for the next season of education.  Actually, as soon as Tisha B'Av was passed, my first thought was, "Oh no!  The bigger sukkah that I had wanted to build NEXT year is now THIS year!"  So we are going from busy and hectic to really busy and preparing to be even busier.  Fall baseball for several boys, Rosh HaShana, Yom Kippur, Sukkos, new schooling topics and fresh activities - oy!  Unlike the seasoned teacher who can use the same materials year after year - I mean, the kids haven't seen it before, even if the teacher has - homeschooling takes a bit of creativity.  I've begun to paper my walls with vocabulary lists and maps.  We have a US map and a world map on the wall in the hallway, across from a project that two of my sons undertook.  They went through a recent almanac and wrote down on paper the names and capitals of every country in the world.  Now, I see them cross-referencing from map to list and back again.  I also purchased a non-digital clock (a "hand" clock) and put it up on the wall directly facing my boys' bedroom.  Sorry boys, you're gonna have to learn to read it. 

So our walls no longer have boring color on them; now they have pictures and lists and maps and information and whew!  (Lions and tigers and bears - oh my!)  I just have to make sure that I have placed these items higher than my toddler can reach, so nothing gets ripped or removed without management permission.  Some people repaint their house periodically - we just post new materials and beautiful children's artwork, worthy of the Louvre (if I do say so myself).  Sure saves time, mess, and money.

Someone Else Has Been Here Before

Or, in other words, ayn kol chodosh tachas hashemesh.

Homeschooling may seem like a new and somewhat trailblazing idea, but really, it is not.  People have been teaching their children at home for millennia, but in recent history, it has become quite popular in the last 30 years or so.  However,  Jewish and religious homeschooling is definitely a very recent phenomenon.  We are treading upon a well-worn path, but we must walk together.   It is hard enough having ample time in your day to feel that you have done justice to your children's learning, but to also have to defend one's choices is plain exhausting.  When we stand together in our growing numbers, eventually it will have to be noticed.  Traditional society doesn't like, for the most part, anyone who is non-conformist, who disagrees and takes a different path.   There truly is strength in numbers and is a wonderful lesson for us.  Just as we must unite in our homeschooling experiences, we must unite as a greater people.  For the same reason that "normal" society seems to feel threatened by our existence and philosophies, this is the reason that we have to all work together. 
To quote Alexandre Dumas, "All for one and one for all."  Or Abraham Lincoln, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."  There is wisdom here from which anyone can gain.  Whether we are discussing families, the homeschooling community, our greater communities in which we reside, or our people as a whole, unity is of supreme importance.  For some reason, when you are in the minority, the reaction seems to be to stick together against the majority.  I wonder if it is possible to build bridges between the two through mutual respect and understanding.  Would this take hard work and much humility on both sides?  Yes.  Definitely.  We must learn from history, both from our successes and our mistakes.  Others have been here before us and have left a trail to help us upon our journey.  We would be foolish to ignore it.

Ah, warm temperatures and spring is in the air.  It is refreshing (after a relatively warm winter) and I can open my windows again to enjoy the fresh air.  Take a deep breath.  Aviv, spring, the time of Hashem's world growing and blossoming. We have been inside and learning and working and now we can go outside and appreciate His creation.

The upside to this lovely weather is that I am inspired to start cleaning.  As the world is renewing itself and waking up from its winter slumber, my house needs to be renewed, as well.  All of this sentiment is a wonderful beginning to my Pesach cleaning.  Yesterday, I finally went through the garage and swept and rearranged and cleaned and threw away trash.  Neat, clean - just like doing mitzvos leads to doing more mitzvos, observing the results of your handiwork (or cleani-work) is absolutely the best impetus to want to continue your efforts.  Collecting up the children and giving them a break for a while from their studies to help prepare the house for Pesach is not a bad idea and one that I have found to be very helpful.

Of course, in all of this smiley, happy, lovey-dovey conversation, we can't forget the mosquitoes.  Where I live, because of the massive rains last year in the late summer and Hurricane Irene,  there are large amounts of boggy areas that just won't dry up.  Therefore, we have a terrible mosquito problem.  I don't want to use sprays or any of that toxic stuff in my house or on my children, so we just have to try to ignore the troublers and the discomfort that they bring.  If you wish to extend the moshol/analogy, there are always those things that would give us trouble and try to distract us from our observance of the mitzvos and service of Hashem.  In this time of Pesach, we have so many profund and important issues to address and it is the time of our freedom, both physical and spiritual.  We should not permit small irritations (you have yours, I have mine!) to distract and detract from our appreciation and enjoyment of this major chag of rejuvination and recreation.   Staying focused on the ultimate goal of improving ourselves and bringing the Moshiach is difficult when we are worried about the details of cleaning out the chometz from our homes and lives, but in fact the cleaning process should be a catalyst to allowing us to serve Hashem even better.  We should clean not just our homes and offices and cars, but also our neshamas and make sure that we are using this time of INspection as an equal time of INTROspection. 

Have a great and meaningful Pesach!  And don't get too bogged down in the details.

Purim! (And Pesach cleaning)

First of all, I want to wish everyone a very Happy (and safe) Purim.  This is a fun holiday for me, even with all of the hamantaschen baking and costume making.  The part that I am not a fan of (and never have been) is the drinking.  I know, I know, the whole mistake Haman for Mordechai thing is supposed to be important.  Pardon me, but I just do not think that guys have to go out and get smashed.  I am still a product of a community that had a tragic death because of drinking on Purim.  Ok, preaching done.  Purim is such a fun chag and all of the bloggers have different crafts for you to do.  Masks, costumes, you name it, all of the Jewish Martha Stewarts of the world have ideas for you. 

 I knew someone once who told me a story of how she became frum and it was quite inspiring.  She thought that Judaism was depressing and was joyless.  You know, you can't do this, you can't do that and guys are always davening and wearing black.  One day, she was walking past a shul and heard music and laughing.  Unbeknownst to her, it was Purim.  She became interested in finding out what exactly the people inside of this shul were so happy about.  She went in and got caught up in the festivities.  In the end, she realized that there was more to our religion than meets the eye and that  the spiritual joy inside of yourself is unseen, but still very powerful and omnipresent. 

Of course, once I get to Purim, the next thing that comes to mind is - drumroll please - cleaning for Pesach.  Yes, everyone is just jumpimg up and down with excitement and can't wait to attack those bedrooms and toy boxes.  We tend to (because homeschooled means, at home all day) loosen up the learning a bit so that I can have more help.  Gasp!  Kids cleaning?  If they didn't, how would I get it all done?  Especially in a year when the first Seder falls on Friday night - oy!  There are those who are far more organized and prepared than I - this could be 99% of the population, I think.

 Have a very freilichen Purim!

I love teaching parsha at this time of year - the makkos, yetzias Mitzrayim, the whole Pesach story.  It is SO child friendly.  You want to be able to engage the child and keep his/her attention and this is a great subject for that purpose.   Fast moving, lots of action to keep them interested, and a tremendous spiritual connection with our forefathers.  My children - especially the ones who have a shorter attention span - tend to only focus on one subject within the parsha (particularly during the construction of the Mishkan, but I am working on that).  ZZZZZZZ  But here I have the chance to get everyone on the same page (literally) and am able to teach the entire parsha.   Parshas Beshalach, when Paroah is finally shown to be weaker and powerless than the "Jewish" G-d, is not only inspiring to us old people :) but also imbues our children with a sense of power and, very importantly, a sense of communal unity.  Yes, I know that will be shattered in the upcoming parshiyos, but for right now, we're all just trying to get out of our shared misery.  My children enjoy when they are able to connect the dots and bring something that we do, that we celebrate (Pesach) into what they are learning.  I'll try to write more later, but there is a diaper somewhere that requires immediate remediation.